The following analysis reflects upon a narrative written titled The Weekend. This story is written in poetry form and is designed to show the challenges students face when understanding the varying types of writing (narrative, informational, etc.)
The story can be found at: https://storybird.com/books/3ady7uhwcj/?token=mytjktm7e8
Analysis:
IDEAS: For this section, I gave myself a 4 (Capable). I feel that the main ideas of my story (what people do on the weekend) was clear and included some simple supporting details about specific ways people spend their weekends, however my story did not provide a lot of information that elaborated on my supporting details, so I did not score myself higher in this category. Also, my story did not really fit into any one definition of narrative listed in The Writing Thief by Ruth Culham. For example, the story falls between fiction and non-fiction, but does not strongly fit into either category. Also, the narrative does not follow a traditional “story” with a plot, beginning, middle and end. I feel that this is a common issue with K-2 students as they understand a “story” to be anything found in a picture book instead of something that follows the idea of a true narrative. This is understandable for this grade level as students begin learning the different types of writing (informational, opinion, narrative, etc.).
ORGANIZATION: For this section, I gave myself a 3 (Developing). I believe that my structure is very basic and does not really provide a great deal of transition or sequence. Although the story has a beginning (the beginning of the weekend) it does not follow a sequence of events or include a plot. I chose to write a story like this to highlight what Culham (2014) discusses in The Writing Thief about the word “story”. She states that “It’s interesting to note that the word story is used in reference to writing even when it isn’t actually a narrative in the truest sense of the word” (p. 94). I feel that this is an issue that is common amongst beginning writers. Students will write about a topic without including any type of chronology or true plot.
VOICE: For this section, I gave myself a 3 (Developing) because the voice is fairly basic. The voice does not share a lot of expression and there is not a clear idea of personality. Culham (2014) believes that “The writing should have energy and passion” (p. 108). The story I wrote does not carry either of these traits. The statements coming from the voice in my writing is straightforward and does not provide insight to the reader as to who the voice is.
WORD CHOICE: For this section, I gave myself a 3 (Developing) because my word choices are quite basic. There are not many adjectives in the story, so the picture the reader receives is not very vivid. I do not use any metaphors or similes in the story either. Initially, I wrote in such a basic way because I was imagining the story for young children (about age 5) but after reading Culham’s (2014) ideas about word choice, I recognize that including unknown words in stories for young children create great opportunities to learn new vocabulary.
FLUENCY: For this section, I gave myself a 5 (Experienced) because the story flows really well. The story is meant to be read like a poem and includes rhyming words and rhythm. This story is designed to best be read aloud and includes some of the traits that Culham (2014) explains to be important. For example, Culham states that “The rhythm, the cadence, the musical quality that artfully crafted sentences have, carries the reader from one thought to the next” (p. 115). I feel that this story flows well from idea to idea.
CONVENTIONS: For this section, I gave myself a 5 (Experienced). The story does not have spelling errors and has some areas where punctuation could be used more effectively, specifically in regards to commas. Conventions do not vary too much based on the type of text, but according to Culham (2014) narrative does offer opportunities to be a bit more creative with conventions with the use of dialogue and dialects.
PRESENTATIONS: For this section, I gave myself a 5 (Experienced). The story is written like a poem and is laid out in this style to help the reader read the story with cadence. The pictures that are included with each page relate directly to the sentences and word choice and the page layouts vary throughout the story.
Culham, R. (2016). The writing thief: using mentor texts to teach the craft of writing. Portland, ME: Stenhouse .
Hi, Tara –
I really enjoyed reading your story, The Weekend. You chose a fun, engaging topic for your story. I think your story will resonate well with kids! Additionally, I really loved that you wrote your story in prose. Your prose was spot on – original and creative while enhancing my enjoyment and understanding of your story. I also really enjoyed the colorful and unique pictures you chose that perfectly matched your storyline. I wish that you had one additional last page that “wrapped up” your story and connected to the first page of your story. Something to the effect of “It’s the weekend! Do you know what that means? You can be who you are and follow your dreams!” Below please find my feedback on the scores you gave yourself. Overall, I thought you were too self-critical and should have score yourself higher!
Topic: Content
You gave yourself a 4 but I would have given you a 5. I believe you had a strong main idea with thoughtful details and support throughout. As Culham (2014) mentions, “narratives can serve many purposes, but without fail, good narratives entertain and teach.” I found your story entertaining and educational! Also, your story was very original!
Topic: Organization
You gave yourself a 3 but I would have given you at least a 4, if not a 5. Your lead created anticipation, your prose allowed you to utilize varied transitions, your pacing was well-developed and the structure of your story (prose) supported your story. While your story did not utilize a chronological sequence of events (beginning of the weekend to end of the weekend), I do not think that is critical. As mentioned in Culham (2014), “[t]ime and place work in harmony in narrative writing, moving the story along seamlessly through the story line.” I feel that the organization of your story did just that!
Topic: Voice
You gave yourself a 3 but I would have given you a 5. Your writing is extremely individual and expressive. Moreover, the illustrations perfectly support your text, adding to audience engagement and enjoyment. As stated by Culham (2014), voice “[is] the writer’s unique way of looking at the world and interpreting it.” I absolutely heard your voice in your story!
Topic: Word Choice
I find word choice the toughest part of narrative writing. I feel my story struggled in this area as well. However, I would have given you at least a 4 in this area. Your story uses precise and appropriate vocabulary and unique word choices. Additionally, your storyline is easy to understand and fits your audience. As your picture book is for a younger audience, I do not fault you for not using more descriptive adjectives, metaphors or similes. Your well-thought-out word choices, as evidenced by your flowing prose, add the “sparkle” and “pizzazz” that Culham (2014) demands of narrative writers.
Topic: Fluency
You scored yourself a 5, but I would have given you a score of 6. I agree with your assessment that the story flows extremely well. Your prose is rhythmic and flowing and you carefully constructed your sentences to have a musical quality. Additionally, reading your story aloud is expressive and pleasurable. These are all qualities detailed by Culham (2014) when she states, “[t]he rhythm, cadence, the musical quality that artfully crafted sentences have, carries the reader from one thought to the next in the progression of ideas that makes up the story.” Your fluency is impeccable!
Topic: Conventions
I would have given you a score of 6, instead of your self-score of 5. As emphasized by Culham (2014), your story demonstrates “correct spelling, punctuation and paragraphing, accurate capitalization, and control over Standard English grammar.” Additionally, as advocated by Culham (2014), your story contains examples where you intentionally “[took] liberties with Standard English to create a more authentic story and characters.” I think your story demonstrates a mastery of conventions.
Topic: Presentation
I agree with your score of 5 as I agree with your analysis. As Culham (2014) states, “[t]he key to presentation is readability.” There are many aspects of your story that enhance its readability. First, the layout of your story helps readers read the story with cadence. Also, the picture on each page relates directly to the text on the page. Thus, your illustrations enhance the readers’ understanding and enjoyment of the story. Moreover, you did a great job balancing text and white space on each page.
The Weekend was a joy to read, Tara! The story was lively and fun. Your use of rhyming kept the story light and engaging. I wish the story was longer to see else someone could do on a weekend!
Feedback
I agree with your feedback, but I would have given you a 5. From the beginning, your story engages the reader by asking a question and making it relatable. I imagined myself reading this to my first grade class. I know they would be very interested in this story! As Culham (2014) states, “One of the keys to success in the ideas trait is finding a new way to write about a familiar theme” (p. 99). I think you did just that!
I would have given you at least a 4 when it comes to the organizational structure of your narrative. I think the way it was written doesn’t really need a solid transition or sequence. The story has a strong opening and paces the reader to consider every possible option of weekend activities. As Culham (2014) mentions about organization of a narrative, “A key success in narrative writing for the organization trait is pacing” (p. 103).
Regarding the voice, I would agree with some of your feedback. Although, I think your writing does have a lot of energy and passion. It takes passion to write any piece, no matter the text level. I think your voice is solid in this story, even if it’s in a playful way. As Culham (2014) talks about voice in a narrative she says, “A great story line is a key reason to continue, but voice is what keeps readers interested and reading with rapt attention” (p. 108).
Your word choice, although basic, is perfect for this narrative. If you used higher-level words, it wouldn’t have had the same affect. Between the words and the illustrations, I think the story comes alive. As Culham (2014) states, “The key to using words in narrative writing is capturing the reader’s imagination by using words to bring the topic to life” (p. 112). You did just that!
The fluency in your narrative is quite strong and I agree with your score of a 5. The fluency makes your narrative a fun, engaging, and easy read. As Culham (2014) states, “The rhythm, the cadence, the musical quality that artfully crafted sentences have, carries the reader from one thought to the next in the progression of ideas that make up the story” (pp. 115-116).
Your use of conventions is spot on and I agree with your analysis. I think you added your own style to the story, making it whimsical and unique. When discussing using different conventions methods in narrative, Culham (2014) says, “Students should feel free to go outside of the conventions box now and then and use conventions for emphasis, to add voice, to develop characters, and to add to the reader’s enjoyment of their pieces” (p. 120). I think you did this quite well!
I agree that the presentation of your narrative was done really well. Creatively written in poem form, the narrative makes this story come alive with the rhythm and rhyming conventions. As Culham (2014) states, “They key to presentation is readability” (p.124). Your narrative kept me very engaged and was such a great read!